“Jamaica’s alright, if you wanna get in the middle of a knife fight
Jamaica’s alright, if you wanna get AIDS or dysentery
Jamaica’s alright, if you wanna be mugged or murdered
Jamaica’s alright, if you’re a misogynist, or a homophobe
Jamaica’s alright, if you like only one kind of music
Jamaica’s alright, if you like small bananas and spiders
Jamaica’s alright, if you wanna buy drugs from your hotel room
Jamaica’s alright, if you want your hand lopped off by a machete”
-NOFX, ‘Jamaica’s Alright’
Via U.S. State Department, September 18 (emphasis added):
“Since March 2024, Haiti has been under a State of Emergency. Crimes involving firearms are common in Haiti. They include robbery, carjackings, sexual assault, and kidnappings for ransom. Kidnapping is widespread, and U.S. citizens have been victims and have been hurt or killed. Kidnappers may plan carefully or target victims at random, unplanned times. Kidnappers will even target and attack convoys. Kidnapping cases often involve ransom requests. Victims’ families have paid thousands of dollars to rescue their family members.
Protests, demonstrations, and roadblocks are common and unpredictable. They often damage or destroy infrastructure and can become violent. Mob killings and assaults by the public have increased, including targeting those suspected of committing crimes.
The airport in Port-au-Prince can be a focal point for armed activity. Armed robberies are common. Carjackers attack private vehicles stuck in traffic. They often target lone drivers, especially women. As a result, the U.S. embassy requires its staff to use official transportation to and from the airport.”
Related: WATCH: British State Media Hack Does Migrant Propaganda, Polish MEP Immediately Slaps Her Down
I want to go on record acknowledging that State Department travel advisories are mostly nonsense.
The world’s a sometimes-dangerous place, particularly certain regions inhabited by certain kinds of natives. Anyone who knows anything understands this; the Mommies in the State Department and their infantilizing proclamations are unnecessary wastes of public money.
The noteworthiness is that advising American citizens not to step foot in Haiti because they’ll be gang-raped and kidnapped — if they’re lucky and not just shot on sight — while simultaneously insisting that importing 20,000 Haitians and dumping them in the backyard of a small Midwestern city is actually a gift to the people that the flyover ingrates are too racist to appreciate seems… disparate.
Ben Bartee is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.
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