Monsters don’t die by conventional means. Dracula is killed with a wooden stake, the Werewolf by silver bullets and the evil undead by decapitation.
The greatest real monster of them all, corrupt government, it appears will require no less a unique method to defeat, even if the weapon used is more common.
In the annals of the monster-verse no demon has ever been defeated by a plastic utensil until now.
In issuing an Executive Order restoring plastic straws to their proper place inside your favorite beverage Trump used that straw as the stake through the heart of darkness known as government excess.
That formerly benign and utterly safe plastic device is, nonetheless, the item which the President used to kill Goliath.
After issuing a torrent of Executive Orders on a wide gamut of issues the president’s coup de grâce was delivered with a plastic straw.
On issues ranging from closing the border to keeping men out of women’s sports the president’s assault on progressive nonsense has been non-stop. In fact, so swift and so voluminous have been his actions that presidential ink may be in shorter supply that reasonably priced eggs.
Of all the decisions with which Trump intends to restore common sense and sanity to American governance the one that slayed the beast of corrupt and bloated government is his banning of paper straws in favor of the plastic variety.
How far we’ve wandered as a nation of sovereign individuals possessed of unalienable rights bestowed on us by our Creator. Led by an inexhaustible supply of laughably liberal, implausibly moderate, and decrepit leaders who saw no right as inviolate, no individual liberty as sacrosanct we forged deeper into the wilderness.
We let our government spy on us because they said it was necessary for national security. We’ve allowed progressives to erode our precious right to bear arms. They don’t want “sane gun laws,” but instead no guns at all. We voluntarily sacrificed our freedoms of liberty and free association by bowing to pandemic rules rooted neither in science nor sanity. We watched in silence as our leaders sacrificed our national sovereignty to foreign agencies and compacts such as the World Health Organization and Paris Climate Accords.
Nothing could illustrate the rise of the administrative state and the loss of basic freedoms better than an edict about what straw we can use. Think about it, so pervasive is the hand of government it dictates in what manner you may drink your favorite beverage.
What can’t the government control if it’s already so ubiquitous that even your cup of coffee comes under the scope of its power?
Government isn’t merely overreaching and oppressive, it is also exceedingly expensive. Not to say a reasonably priced form of corruption would be preferable. The size and scope of government is dwarfed by its appetite. Life-long politicians seek only self-enrichment for themselves, their families, and the patronage system upon which they rely.
Like vampires, political elites suck the lifeblood of government from American taxpayers.
Elon Musk is Van Helsing and DOGE is a freighter tank full of Holy Water.
Musk is shining the light of day on evil creatures via audits of agencies such as USAID. In the light we see the monsters for who and what they are. Elected officials, federal bureaucrats, and life-long government employees feasting on the bloated carcass of government. Unable to be satisfied they can’t stop themselves and no amount of your money will suffice to fill these creatures.
Donald Trump has driven a plastic straw through the heart of the beast and let’s hope it sucks the life out of the monster. If not, at least it won’t disintegrate before the job is finished.
