Speaker, author, commentator and host of Relatable, Allie Beth Stuckey satirically depicts a new campaign ad for the Democratic Party.
Hi, I’m a spokesperson for the Democratic party and I’m here to tell you why you need to vote blue this November. Democrats are the party of love and tolerance. We promote inclusion and acceptance, peace and goodwill. Republicans don’t care about any of these things. They just want to talk about record unemployment, the economy, keeping communities safe. Fascists. Democrats have positive practical priorities, like abolishing the Electoral College, eliminating due process, and banning hate speech. These are the values of the American people. Well, at least Americans that live in San Francisco and New York.
Republicans often use fear-mongering rhetoric like Constitution or Liberty. Democrats condemn such language is decisive and instead focus on more unifying topics like repealing the 2nd Amendment or kneeling for the national anthem. Democrats are the party of equality, so much so that we insisted upon unconditional believing women and disbelieving men because, well, feminism. If you ask us to explain this logically we will scream in your face and call you a misogynistic.
Republicans want to take away a woman’s sacred right to choose to have her child decapitated inside the womb and tore it apart limb by limb with forceps. Democrats celebrate the right to violently murder your child because we’re compassionate. Democrats believe that women are powerful and independent, there are also helpless victims of the patriarchy who require government intervention to succeed. Any woman who disagrees with us on this is a self-hating, stupid, bimbo.
And you know, its time that someone was finally brave enough to say this. Republican’s are racist. Democrats have the same positive message for minorities that we have four women, you’re a victim, and you’re useful to us. If you disagree will insult your intelligence, but it’s for your own good.
Republicans want to stop certain people from coming into this country. They cite the infiltration of gang violence or opioids or sex trafficking is reasons to stop illegal immigration. But Democrats accept these as the natural consequences of opening up the borders, which of course is the more loving thing to do.
Democrats recognize that the key to a better tomorrow to look forward not backward. That’s why we reject capitalism and all of it’s greed and instead opt for socialism which has worked so well every time it’s been tried. Democrats are the party of the common people (Jay-Z and Beyoncé) the poor (Mark Zuckerberg) and the marginalized (Barbra Streisand) the weak (Stephen Colbert) and defenseless (Meryl Streep). While Republicans promise freedom, we promise free stuff. That’s how we win over young people. Our goal is to make the government work for you, so you don’t have to work at all.
Republicans are always pushing religion in our faces. We reject their bigotry. Religious people are idiots. Democrats would much rather you sacrifice yourself on the altar of progressivism. The truth is, as the party of empathy, we’re just better than everyone else. That’s why we spend so much time telling people who don’t align with our agenda that they’re not just wrong, but that they’re bad people. We still haven’t figured out this condescension is what lost us for 2006 election. Nevertheless were confident that through censorship, emotional manipulation, and continued bullying that we will eventually get our way. Why? Because we care about you, so much so that we’re willing to wear you down until you fear getting silence, doxed, or fired, because you don’t agree with our agenda. I’m the spokesperson for the Democratic party. Vote for us in November.
About Allie Beth Stuckey
Allie Beth Stuckey is a speaker, author, commentator and the host of the BlazeTV podcast, Relatable, where she analyzes culture, news, theology and politics from a Christian, conservative perspective. She also often satirizes politicians, the media and trends in popular culture. On this channel, you’ll find her podcast, satire skits, as well as some of her speeches and media interviews.